I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days, and I promise a post about the estate auction soon. I wasn't feeling well yesterday - didn't sleep, was exhausted, and suffering from the ever present stress and depression. Nothing new!
If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that my dad's health is extremely bad, and I am the main caregiver for my parents. In my mother's eyes, that means that I am at her beck and call 24/7, and she takes advantage of it, and THAT is what stresses me out. My dad's health situation is not the primary stress builder, but my mother's constant calling, complaining, self-pitying parties, and inability to accept the fact that I have the right to, and NEED to have my own life.
My mother thought that I would never marry. And when, at the age of 33, I did marry my sweet hubby, she was ANGRY!!! OH, she hid it well, but I knew it was there, after all, she had expected me to never marry, stay there, be her servant, best friend, and whatever she needed me to be at any given moment, so she was just plain mad that I had the audacity to get married.
For the first 20 or so years of our marriage, things were fine, but then a few years ago, when she and my dad needed me more, she decided it was back on, I was once again her sounding board, her 'whatever' she needed for that day. And sadly, I allowed it. But now I'm stressed, I stay depressed all the time, and can't get anything accomplished at home. Our home is in the worst shape it's ever been, because I can't focus and function and get anything done.
So, today was - for me - independence day! We had a chat on the phone, and I explained how things would be from now on:
As always, if it's a medical emergency, call me immediately!
Otherwise I will talk to you once a day, we will cover any issues that need to be discussed. If something comes up that is NOT an emergency after we have talked, set it aside, write it down, whatever you have to do, and we'll talk about it tomorrow when we have our chat.
You see, it is of vital importance that I stop this chain of her behavior that is causing me so much stress. I am 57 years old. Stress can cause health problems. Heart disease runs in my family. Strokes do, too, as well as dementia on my dad's side. If I don't take care of me, their primary caregiver, and something happens to me, where will THEY be??? My brother will NOT be there - he's made that extremely clear.
So, by thinking of myself, and trying to de-stress my life, maybe discontinuing some of the depression based days, then possibly I can get my home in order, feel better about myself, and be there more and in better ways for them.
We have an appointment with my dad's primary doctor today to follow up from the hospital visit last week, so, if you see fireworks from the direction of northern Georgia, just know it's my mama and me straightening out a few kinks in our relationship. In a healthy way, of course!
Have a great day, friends! Becky