Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Break Time

This old world is full of hurt and heartaches these days.  People are hurting and suffering and dying all over the world.  And it breaks my heart.  My little corner of the world is no exception.  There are some things going on with my family that are keeping me stressed out these days, and I'm having to make some tough decisions.

I am having to stand tall in my weakness and tell my brother and his youngest son that I can not and will not accept responsibility for their son and brother who has serious substance addictions as well as emotional and mental problems.  I will care for Mama, but they are all adults, and I am just not able to take on any more right now.  The last two years (caring for Daddy and watching him die very slowly) were the hardest and worst of my life.  I was there every.single.time; every.single.day!  (My brother was there, oh, maybe 4-5 times in 2 years.)  I am not 'over' that yet.  Physically and emotionally I am still a wreck.  I can not and will not take on my brother's responsibilities!

That may sound harsh, hard, cold.  I am sorry.  I am just trying to let you see what is going on here, and hopefully to explain why I haven't posted in a week and a half.  I am going to take a break from this blog for a short while.  Right now, whenever I can, I am doing what I love, and playing with paper.  For 8-9 months last year I wouldn't allow myself to make cards and 'play' with paper, ribbons, etc.  I ended up in depression and being frozen in place.  In this time, I am choosing the therapy of doing what I love, and trying to keep my head straight.  I will still be posting my creations on my other BLOG as I try to work through this latest drama in my life. 

It's hard because I hate arguing and fighting and 'drama'.  I grew up with it, and H*A*T*E it!  Rather than a 'drama queen',I am a drama-free queen, and have worked hard, along with my sweet hubby, to create a life with each other where that doesn't have a place.  Sadly, both our families thrive on it, and we get thrown into the middle of it against our wills.

Your prayers for my nephew, and all of my immediate family would be truly appreciated.  I'll be back when the dust settles.  Thank you for being here, for reading the little 'piddly' things I have to say.  You and your friendship mean more to me than I can say.  Becky

13 comments:

LissyLou said...

big hugs ((())) for hard times xx

Mildred said...

Hi Becky, I have been and will continue to pray for your nephew and your whole family. Your health and happiness are important and you can only do so much. I have seen many "hopeless looking" situations resolved through prayer since I started blogging. It is great to have blog friends who are with us thru the good and the bad times. Take some time to do the things you love and we'll be waiting when you feel you can return.

Coloradolady said...

I am so sorry....hard times are just that...hard. I have learned that to save myself..I have had to walk away from a toxic SIL.....sad, but that is just the way it is. Hope you feel better soon, will keep you in my prayers.

Dreaming In Pink With Roses said...

I'm here for ya B!! Through the thick & the thin!! You will always be in my prayers Dear Sweet Friend! Hope you have lots of Fun & Quiet Peacefulness with your Therapy! I just wished we lived closer so I could give you a big ol hug!

I'll be checking out your other blog to see all the Awesome stuff you are creating!

Love & Prayers ~ T

K-Sue said...

--all Mildred said--I can't improve on her sweet comments.{{}}

Fay said...

Becky,
If you had not blogged in the next day or two I was going to call. Sorry about your nephew. I know you worry about him, but he is the only one that can help himself at this point. Continue to pray that someone or something will come into his life that will change him.

aimee said...

you are doing the right thing my friend. if you take care of them they will never learn to take care of their own self. you will prevent them from growing up. i will continue to pray for you and your family. you need to take care of you so you can take care of your husband and mom. creat creat creat! i hope i dont sound harsh. you are so sweet and giving and i want you to be happy.
blessings,
aimee

tara said...

You do what you need to do to heal...we will all be here when you get back~ big hugs, Tara

Sue said...

Hi Becky,

I'm praying for all of you. I understand what you are going through. After having a heart attack in July, I have learned the hard way that you must take care of yourself first. I take care of my mom, but the rest of the family will have to get along on their own. I help when I can, but there is only so much I can do. Stand firm. And, this too shall pass.

Hugs,

Sue

Jeanneoli said...

I am so sad for you and all that you are going through. Take the time you need.

Ladybug in TN said...

CC,

Here I am............ Lawsey mercy Miss Becky, all God's chilun' got problems!

I am proud of you for choosing to take care of your Mom, yourself and Wayne. Your Mom is to be taken care of as the Bible tells to do. As for the other family member, yes we are to take care of them but they have made choices that you are not capable of handling. Prayer is the avenue for you to "take care of" brother and nephew.

Bless you and your family. Yes, I will continue to hold you all in my heart prayerfully.

Enjoy being creative and I will continue to spend my days playing on Farmtown like everything is paper dolls. That is what I told my friend it reminds me of when i am playing on the farm. She replied, " Who would think two 63 year olds would be having so much fun on a farm that is on a compute?"

Hugs, Love and Blessings,
Ladybug

calicodaisy said...

I just saw your post entitled "Please Pray!" but it's not here. Anyway:
Trust in the Lord.
Give Him your burdens.
Don't cast pearls among the swine! (I know that one well...)
Stand firm, even when it hurts.
Rest.
Breathe.
Step away. If everyone is an adult, then ....
You are only responsible for your actions, not others' actions.
You don't have to participate in other folks' ugliness. Just step away. Concentrate on yourself, your husband and children, and let the others do as they will. You can't change it even if you have good advice.

Lessons learned on this end in the same awful situations sometimes.

English Cottage in Georgia said...

Becky,
My prayers are with you. It is very difficult to deal with people who expect their loved ones to enable their poor decisions in life.
There were many reasons we left Texas - an adult stepson who expects to be enabled was one of the reasons.
The important thing is that you know that the ONLY thing you can do is to pray for them - do not feel guilty!