Monday, April 27, 2009

The Proof is in the Pudding . . . or something like that!

My Dad - April, 2009

Eating his favorite meal - Homemade biscuits, gravy, sausage and cheddar cheese.

Remember I told you that last Thursday was my birthday, well, it wasn't a day full of fun and games - believe me! I had to go take my dad to visit his urologist and have the catheter removed that he had surgically inserted a few weeks ago. After our visit to the doctor, once we got back to their house, I made them sit in the car where we would have no distractions, and I broached a few topics.

The main topic being the fact that if they kept stressing me out with their constant bickering, complaining and my mom's calling me every 15 minutes to complain about every little thing, I was going to have a heart attack from stress, and then where would they be??? As far as their care, I am IT! My mom's 83 y/o sister takes her to get her hair done or to the grocery store, and my dad's sister (just 7 years older than me) takes him to get lab work done or to get his hair cut, but anything else falls to me.

My brother, who is 6 years younger than me, is absolutely no help and he only comes around when he wants something, but since he's taken until there's not much left, he doesn't bother so much any more! And personally, I'm glad he doesn't, because I wouldn't trust him to do what was best for OUR parents!

That said, today we had to go have blood drawn for blood work for the kidney specialist. We did that and came back home, and my mom and I left my dad at home and went to visit 2 local, 'home grown' nurseries to buy a few little things for our gardens. When we got back, oh, about 2 1/2 hours later, my dad said he hadn't been able to urinate except for a trickle, and should we maybe go see somebody. The urologist wasn't in their town today, so off we went - back to the ER!

It was amazing! My dad didn't grumble and complain nearly as much, and was prepared to spend the night! My mom complained a lot less this time, and didn't have a single pity party until right before the doctor showed up to tell us that my dad was going home, but we should see the kidney specialist as soon as possible. (His kidney function is failing, but I don't know to what extent yet, should find that out when we visit him.)

So, all in all, FOR ME, it was about the least stressful ER trip we have ever had, and I was home before 10 pm - but just barely. On the trip home, it was so lovely that I rolled the window down, cranked up the radio and just took my time. Traffic was light, the breeze was cool, the moon's little sliver of a crescent hung over my head, and Rascal Flats sang their newest song 'Here comes goodbye', as well as Brad Paisley's newest hit, 'Then'. The trip home was smooth, and relaxing.

Now, I'm not crazy enough to expect this to last forever, and I do understand that my attitude could have helped a little bit, too. But it sure was nice not to have quite as much bickering and fussing going on for a change!

Time to shut this thing down and get some rest. Tomorrow is another day, and even if we don't end up having to go to the kidney specialist, I still have tons of laundry to do, the dishwasher to unload, and a passle of plants outside that need to be planted. (Oh, and let's not even talk about the plants that have already been eaten overnight! Where's that vole poison!!!)

Blessings, Becky


LissyLou said...

so sorry you've been having a rough time lately, although glad to hear it wasn't to stressful this time xx chin up chicken, as my nan used to say!! xx

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that you're having to go through all of this at all, but good for you for giving them a little attitude check. You go girl! It may take doing that from time. I guess we all need those little 'reality checks' occasionally but for older folks it may just have to be given from an outside source and no longer dependable when left to self-imposed! LOL! Hope your dad's feeling better soon. Maybe since he's told you about the problems right away instead of letting it get so bad like last time, it will not be as hard on all of you this time 'round. You'll all be in my thoughts...


Valerie said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. A couple of years ago my MIL got very sick and everyone "works" except me so I had the brunt of the caretaking. I love her but it wore me out. It lasted about 6 months. Just remember that you will be blessed and "This too shall Pass".

K-Sue said...

It sounds like you parents needed to realize what a pattern they had fallen into, and what the consequences might be. You must have been speaking the truth in love. I am thankful you father was willing to listen and not get angry, and to work to keep things pleasant.

Lori E said...

Our sandwich generation..stuck between kids and parents. Hard as it is to keep with this you will be glad you did down the road. Good for you for setting some boundaries.
As I said to my mom many years ago after her constant complaining
"Mom you are such a smart woman, I am sure you have more interesting things to talk about than your aches and pains". Problem solved...mostly.
Keep your chin up.