Thursday, February 17, 2011

Better . . . Ramblings . . .

In north Georgia today, the sun is shining, the skies are blue with puffy white skiffs of clouds, and temps are nearing the 70 degree mark.  And it's so beautiful!  As soon as I finish this post I'm going to fix me a plate of homemade southern style potato salad with fresh sliced cantaloupe and red grapes, grab my latest embroidery project, and go sit on the deck in the sunsine.  Doesn't that sound summery???

I think I just have summer in my soul these days, and I am so overwhelmed at the feeling!  After more than 3 years of depression, sadness and almost non-stop worries, my heart is so light I feel as if I could just jump up and fly into the sky like a hot air balloon being carried on the breeze.  I had almost forgotten what that felt like!  Honestly, it's been so long!

An example of this lightness:  Day before yesterday I drove the 25 miles or so to get my mother and bring her here for a couple of days.  I didn't immediately turn the radio on in the car to drown out my thoughts, and before I'd been five miles I was finding a rhythm in my head and before long I was singing out loud.  Do you have any idea how long it's been since I sang out loud out of pure joy?  Me either - it's been that long!  And that lightness has just lingered, it's amazing.  And I am so grateful, seriously, honestly, sincerely filled with a joyful gratitude!

A few weeks ago, hubby told me that he had been having anxiety/panic attacks again.  He used to have them when we were first married, but had not had any in years, or so I thought.  But in recent months he had been having them again, and he got scared.  For a long time now I've been begging him to go have a good check-up, but he doesn't like going to a doctor.  When he had that last big panic attack, it scared him, so he went to a doctor and was put on a mild blood pressure medicine, plus one for his anxiety.  Within days I could tell a difference, and now after a couple of weeks, it seems the 'real' hubby is coming back.  I was so deep in my own darkness that I really hadn't paid attention to HIS darkness.  That makes me really sad, because normally I would have noticed it.

His doctor told him that he HAD to lose weight - no choice if he wanted to live, because it was that serious!  He was borderline diabetic, high cholesterol, high BP, and most of it would take care of itself if he would just lose a nice chunk of weight.  So I've been trying to cook healthier and we've been eating a lot of salads and fruit.  He's already lost a bit I can tell, because last night when he got home from work and I gave him a hug, I could touch my fingers together.  We are trying to drink more water, less sodas, and walk more now that the days are getting a bit longer.

These are all good, positive changes - for both of us!  And it feels so very, VERY, good!  Our lives haven't changed; the money problems are still there, although we are taking steps to work that out, and the world around us is in turmoil.  People are hurting and being hurt.  But right now, right here in our little yellow cottage, life is feeling pretty good right now.  Blessings, folks; and Be Joyful Always!  Becky



Glad you are feeling better...
Have a Great weekend.
deb :)

English Cottage in Georgia said...

Hello Dear Becky,
Your post was very inspiring...I WILL keep my porch swept and ready to lounge on without having to wipe the chair out before I sit down.
Here, here to better eating and losing weight...such an endeavor. Wishes to you and your hubby as he works to achieve his weight loss goal.

Lorrie said...

That feeling of joy and lightness is wonderful after being in the dark for so long. I pray it continues for you.

Best of wishes for new changes in your way of life!

Val said...

I just love you!!! You are so positive and such an encourager. Sing in the car? No, but I am gonna try it. Hope Hubby gets better soon. Reading this post and seeing the pics make my heart just sing!!!

Cathy said...

Hello, Becky ~
I am new to your blog and have really enjoyed what I've read so far!! I will be back :)
Also, I would love to join your Little Gifts Campaign ~ what an awesome idea!♥
Please feel free to come and visit me sometime at ~

Alice Grace said...

This is such an inspiring post! I think everyone has some depression sometimes, and the fact that you are acknowledging it means you are on your way out! I, too, am looking for spring, some color in the yard and trees! I think that will help me tremendously, also.
I found you thru Valerie's blog (she is my daughter), (Lifeslittlegarden).
God bless you and yours!